?

Log in

So Angry.

I had a crisis of faith. Sue me. How fucking dare I. In this time, some Jehovahs witnesses came and I mentioned it to them. They seemed nice and accepting enough. They came by again today and it came up that I'm bisexual.

They told me God hates what I do, that I am condemned to hell, but Jesus will still forgive me if I read the Bible and change my ways. Because apparently gay people have read the Bible and changed the way they "think" and "choose to use their bodies."

I am so fucking angry I don't even have words.

Hee hee hee

humorous pictures
see more crazy cat pics

Best way to start the morning.

Anyway. I'm still in that stage of new relationship where I keep thinking I'm saying stupid things and kicking myself. It sucks! Arrrrrgh.

Feeling heaps better though. All not sick. Woke up this morning and felt completely normal. This giant mutant lump in my mouth is still driving me nuts though.

I might go take a shower nd get some work done. Or go back to bed. Hm...

Frustrated

I'm sick. I'm better than I was a few days ago, but still quite sick. My mouth is full of ulcers that make it hurt to eat, my throat is all swollen and my head won't fucking stop hurting. I had an assignment due on Friday that I just couldn't do because I didn't have the strength to sit at the computer and THINK. I played one round of Mario Kart yesterday, watched twenty minutes of Starsky and Hutch and the effort made me sleep for four hours.

In other news, Mum found out she was crazy high cholestrol. As a result, we've been eating all fat free foods.

Quick tip: Vegetable soup IS NOT A MEAL.

I'm going back to bed. I've been awake for nearly a whole two hours and it's beaten the crap out of me.

30th Mar, 2008

It's the end of daylight saving.

I was all "I'm going to start doing some homework at midday." And instead of midday being four minutes away, it is now an hour and two minutes away.

And it also sucks, because I want some lunch. But now lunch is an hour away.

Nerd alert!

How am I nerd?

Let me count the ways.

One of my friends is doing a big order of shirts from Thinkgeek, and I'm just trying to decide what sort of nerdiness I want to project to the world.

Votes?

General wanting to talk about things.

I just wanted to get it out in writing.

Okay, so I am usually pretty good about accepting my body. There will be days where I'll lament that my belly isn't flat, my head is too big or my eyes are too small, but most of the time I'm pretty pleased with myself.

But something has thrown me for a loop.

I've been into weight lifting for almost two years now, but things have been massively hectic over the past few weeks. This means I haven't had much time to exercise.

Pair this with this whole "Actually eating what I want to" and I assumed I would gain ten kilos and try to devour the world.

Nope. My legs and arms have slimmed down something ridiculous.

My chain of thought went something like this:

I hate when I wash my jeans. They're always so tight.
Huh. That's odd.
They're looser around the leg.
They feel fine around the waist.
What the hell?


I pulled my legs back down to examine my legs. They looked different, and strange, and I didn't like it.

Oh God, they're thinner.
What?!
How did this happen?!


Then came that fleeting rush of joy. That feeling I used to have when I skipped meals and worked out for hours on end. The rush I got when I realised I had lost another few centimetres. It was there. It remembered. It wasn't gone.

Yay! My legs are more attractive! They're thinner!

In came the second voice:

That doesn't mean they're more attractive.
What do you mean?
Thin =/= attractive. We've been over this.
But they're slimmer. It's what we've always wanted!
Yes. A YEAR ago, this is what we wanted. It's not anymore. It's about health now. Like doing weight lifting again because it makes us stronger.
Stuff that! If I get to keep legs like this, I'll never do weight lifting again!
But we love weight lifting.
Yes, but we're THINNER. It's more important than having fun.

And there it was. That attitude. That niggling voice that said that there was more important things than being happy.

I thought it was gone. Apparently not.

I'm going to go do weight lifting. Screw you stupid voice. You don't control me anymore.

DAMNIT.

Okay, this started as a summary of my ex harassing me, and dissolved into ranting.

Read more...Collapse )

Internal Conversations.

I wonder when the lecture's starting.
Hey, how come everybody is sitting over there?

Because it's closer to the door.
But there's like, four seats on either side of me. Maybe I smell bad.
No, they're sitting over there because it's closer to the door. They probably don't want to walk across the front of the room because they're scared people will look at them.
People aren't that silly. Maybe I look terrible?
We look fine. People are lazy and self concious. Oooh, she's cute.
Why doesn't she want to come sit with us?
Because she already has a seat. Oooh! She smiled at us. We should go say hi later.
But what if I -
WE DO NOT SMELL BAD.

Ah, the inner arguing of different parts of personality. I got asked about how I think of different parts of my personality, and I'm still pondering that question.

For most of it, I had "Chips Ahoy!" by the Hold Steady stuck in my head. For a lot of it, I felt overwhelmed and somewhat like a high school kid tagging along with the school group. Other times, I felt cool and grown up and positive.

I'm considering changing one of my classes, as there's four compulsory classes you can choose from when you first start uni, and this one is the hardest and has the most work involved. Dorian extolled the virtues of the one he did, so I might change to that. I just worry about changing my awesome timetable where I have most afternoons and a day off.

The work just doesn't justify my interest. My actual Bachelor of Arts has the LEAST amount of work out of all of the classes I'm doing, which is a bit silly.

And there's the regrets. "Maybe I should be doing Bio/Medicine/Nutrition/Engineering." or "Stuff uni I'm going to work at the mines and earn two grand a week."

All very confusing.

That aside, life is good so I'm pretty sure I can deal with this.

Also, the uni coffee shop does the greatest white hot chocolates of all time. Just another deterrant from leaving.

I've made a few friends so far, such as:
Cara, the well dressed journalism student.
Andrew, who has hair longer than I do and is thick with the compliments. (I'm a "cool firey viking girl." Apparently.)
Naz, who talks a lot and expresses everything physically.
Rhiannon, who's shy and wants to live in Japan.
Shanee, who doesn't eat lollies and believes making out when you have herpes is dishonest.

So yeah, things are going pretty great.

Hilarity!

Okay, so, I wrote a letter to my grandmother and thought it might be nice if I trnalstaed into Icelandic, as it would be easier for her.

Then I ran the trnaslation back through to English and got this:

Delight Grandmother ,
Thank you thus vast pay lip service to donation to paying pay lip service to my wheels. I á brjósti nameday her Edna , and she is wonderful. Very sweet and righteous unrelenting fine. Mother hast too publicity ;l) you chance pay for my book , who I thank while I a small unwholesome ;l) you're giving myself thus vast. How is this whole thing with the tax department into Australia snuggle up to go? Mother hasn't publicity there , thus I von bráðar whenas total snuggle up to go okay.

And I be able to afford my own book , thus don't feel onus.

Some with my friendship art really interested into Lceland , and would love to come over some while into the future tense. There really jury myself mademoiselle Lceland. I really chance come back away hrökklast good-looking soon , and my friendship chance bring myself. They really love Lceland. Whenas single with the mains reason they chance be my amigo into the primordial stead , who is a part foolish. I know there irrational number with some with the house appearance towards summer , while I á brjósti uni then thus there wish be a part unsuitable. Besides , maybe my friendship art appearance I wish then to come in winter thus they be able to see snow. Single with my friendship know how to snowbound! He learn by heart into Victorian , while he he would love to á brjósti sexual intercourse river a minimum height. I mademoiselle you and Callus thus vast , even Freyja what with her running afterwards carsick and total. Jessie is really learning to act today , she USUALLY come when she is visitor and she doeskin not run into the vegur. I öxl take a lot with scenic and put then river my diary pay lip service to you , as though soon as though I find my camera. I do not know where I left-hand there. I have to go to a pool do soon , thus I had better go. Love you a lot!


EDIT: I can't seem to be able to send it. Sigga, perhaps I have the wrong email?